Chaotic Cooking Chronicles
by DemonPanther
Summary: What do you get when you add 35 smashers, an agitated Samus and millions of squealing fangirls together? If you guessed a normal day at the Smash Mansion, you guessed wrong. Rated T to be safe.
1. The day the world ended

**Warning: This fanfic may cause permanent brain loss, bleeding eyes and death to some of you weaker minded people. If you're not brave enough to read this fic then back down now, I'M WARNING YOU!**

**Chaotic Cooking Chronicles chapter 1:**

**DemonPanther: YUS, I'm finally done chappie one. After all the hot chocolate, sleep deprivation and hyper spazzing sprees twas worth it! :D MY FIRST FANFIC!**

**Random audience member: -mumbles- hopefully it's not too horrible.**

**DemonPanther: SILENCE IMPRUDENT FOOL! –knocks random audience member over head with a mug of hot chocolate-**

**Audience: O.o''**

**DemonPanther: -regains composure- Anyways, before we start this I MUST thank iChocoluv for all her help. She came up with a couple of lines/ideas from the story and checked it over for grammar and other concepts I could change to make the story that much better! I am truly grateful to her; my precious Beta Reader deserves a cookie! -gives burnt, deformed cookie-**

**Audience:** -**.-''**

**DemonPanther: I'VE NEVER BEEN A BAKER OK!? **

**Smashers: Aren't you forgetting something? **

**DemonPanther: Ummm...the other cookies I baked. –brings out a tray of black, charred substance-**

**Smashers: -.-'' The disclaimer?**

**DemonPanther: OH RIGHT, I forgot! I don't own any of the characters from Smash Bros or the game itself. -stares at cookies- It would be a waste to throw these away...KIRBY! :D**

**Kirby: -sucks in all the cookies-**

**DemonPanther: YAY! Now they're not wasted! :D**

**Kirby: -dies-**

**Smashers: O.O'' **

**DemonPanther: Humm...Maybe I should have checked out the expiration date on the milk before hand...-puts on gas mask and pours out green liquid from within milk carton-**

**Smashers: -faints-**

**DemonPanther: Also flaming will be frowned upon! -sprays perfume- Though I like constructive criticism! Before we start, if you're worried about the smashers I'll revive them during the chappie so, CHAPPIE ONE COMMENCE! ENJOY!**

--

It was a typical, warm sunny day at the Brawl Mansion, home to some of the world's greatest Nintendo characters. Lunch time was nearly here...and all our beloved smashers were relaxing outside, under the clear, cloudless, blue sky. That day was like any other day, the atmosphere was peaceful and completely, absolutely serene...

"ROY, GIVE ME MY TIARA BACK!"

"AUGH, KIRBY THAT WAS MY FAVOURITE PAIR OF SOCKS!"

"NOES! MY PRECIOUS PIKMIN!"

"MARIOOOO SAVE ME!"

"MUHAHAHAHA!"

"Mmmm...Donuts..."

"OH YEAH!? WELL, YOUR FACE!"

"MOO, I'M A PIG!"

"SHOOP DA WHOOP!"

"AH! WHO LET THE FANGIRLS IN?"

_CRASH_

_BANG_

_BOOOOOM!_

Nintendo is going through some technical difficulties right now, please come back later. BEEEEEEEEEP

Back with the story, little did the smashers know that today something horrible was about to happen. Absolutely nothing could have prepared our beloved smashers, that day...in those 24 hours...in those 1440 minutes and 86400 seconds...for the tragedy that will fall upon them.

Anyways, one person decided not to join her fellow smashers in their...errrr...fun?

A very irritable and sleep deprived Samus was sitting in the shade of a tree reading, trying to block out all the noise, along with Falcon and Snake (who were recently punted somewhere into the unknown singing 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!')...and with her bulky power suit it SHOULD have been easy. Sadly, the racket invaded her suit like a virus and entered her ears causing a slight psychotic breakdown...Heck; a minute ago she was banging her head against a rock.

The bounty hunter twitched somewhat violently, putting down '_100 Ways to Kill a Metroid'_. Her helmet was dented and the squeals emitted from the herd of foam-mouthed fangirls could make anyone within a mile deaf. Indeed, Samus Aran was _not_ a happy camper.

Meanwhile, back with the rest of the spazzing smashers, the fangirls were enjoying their..._time_ with the group. Though I could say differently about the smashers...as they were all screaming like 3 year old sissies, some yelling, "TIS THE END OF THE WORLD!" while running from their so-called doom.

The swordsmen Marth and Roy were running together, swords in hand, but suddenly they were –insert dramatic music here-surrounded.

Marth sighed sadly, "Well I guess this is the end...it was a pleasure knowing you...sorta."

"What did I ever do to deserve this...ROY'S BEEN A GOOD BOY!" Roy whimpered.

Marth stared at his fellow swordsman with sympathy.

Roy continued sobbing and explained, "S-Sure, I may have played a few practical jokes, pushed Link down a well, eaten Kirby's food supply, used a few of DK's discarded banana peels to help my material, accidentally burnt down the old hospital and stolen a couple of items from random smashers to sell them on E-Bay...BUT I'M NOT A BAD PERSON!"

The Aritian Prince twitched; _I've always wondered why he was always able to buy a Big Mac AND a Large fries whenever we went to McDonalds._

The red head turned towards the cobalt haired prince, "M-Marth?"

"Yes?"

"Since this is clearly the last time we'll be seeing each other, I have to apologize..."

"For?"

"I'm sorry for forgetting to tell you about the super glue on your tiara, when you put it on a minute ago..."

An awkward silence ensued, "T-That's okay..."Marth twitched, resisting his strong urge to slice Roy into mincemeat.

"I'm also sorry for setting your cape on fire..."

"..."

"Plus I probably shouldn't have put that poison in your food..."

"..."

"And for switching your perfume with-" Roy would have finished, but was booted to the ground brutally. That was the end of that...Marth was gone with a cloud of dust and Roy at the fangirl's mercy. Did anyone care Roy was nearly dead? I highly doubt it.

Apparently, life was worse for Ike and Pit, as they were caught ages before Roy. Though some characters were experiencing hell, the female smashers (and non human smashers) were watching the show intently while munching on greasy popcorn, in the shade of the trees.

"OOH LOOK, ROY JUST GOT PWNED!"

"Hey isn't that Link over there being ripped to shreds?"

"Yup, seems he's taking out a bomb..."

_BOOM _

"There goes one fangirl." Zelda said watching the 'battle' carrying a blank expression.

Peach glanced over at Kirby still giggling from the men's misfortune; the alien's mouth was the size of the mushroom princess' eyes during the yearly mega-mongo shopping spree downtown.

"And there goes the popcorn." Samus added still engrossed in her 4000 page book.

Peach screamed towards the infinite black hole, "KIRBY DON'T EAT IT ALL!"

The cotton candy coloured creature tilted his head/body to the side in confusion, "Poyo?"

Many crashing sounds echoed throughout the mansion and a very agitated Peach emerged from the bushes covered in twigs, dirt and other sorts of debris, with Kirby latched to her arm.

"Kirby could you please...GET OFF!" she screamed waving her arm frantically, causing Kirby to let go. The mushroom princess took out her dreaded pan pointing it at the round, pink alien with murderous intent...you can guess exactly what happened next.

_CLANG_

Luigi nudged his more famous, well known brother in the arm, "Your girlfriend scares me..."

Mario sighed heavily, "She scares everyone..."

The blonde fumed, dragging the poor pink puffball...that was presently knocked out, back to the insides of the house, while the rest of the gang more or less harboured the same expression: Oo"

--

Meanwhile back with the men, who were getting choked, glomped, raped, killed or all of the above decided to finally fight back.

"Hylian Hero to Menacing Mercenary. Breaker, breaker, do you copy?" Link whispered lowering his tone of voice through the newly acquired walkie-talkie. How he got it, the world will never know...

"What the hell do you think you're doing Link?" Ike asked hiding _oh so _courageously behind one of the nearby bushes.

The Hero of Time grinned proudly and simply explained, "Being cool!"

"..." Ike stared at the 'Hylian Hero' without a word.

"What's the matter? Aren't I?"

"Yup, sure, right..."

Link glared sceptically at his blue-haired friend and resumed his so called coolness, "Now everyone BATTLE STATIONS!"

A herd of red, blue, and yellow pikmin randomly popped out of nowhere and marched confidently towards the pack of fangirls. Each pikmin sported a miniature army cap with a tiny hole on the top, enabling the flowers growing on their heads to grow, un-squished. The attack had begun.

Link blinked. Then he blinked again...and again, in total bewilderment. "Ike..." he started dubiously, while blinking several more times in confusion, "Where'd the pikmin come from?"

Ike face palmed, "I thought you knew! WHAT THE HECK YOU'D THINK WOULD HAPPEN WHEN YOU SAID BATTLE STATIONS THEN!?"

Link shrugged, "I dunno, I just like using the walkie-talkie..."

"Then what are they doing here?" the mercenary self questioned (also questioning Link's IQ in the process).

"Maybe they just like to 'fight for their friends'?" a nearby voice explained sarcastically.

Ike twitched up a storm, muttering something about making sure Sakurai suffered a slow and painful death later on, ignoring the owner of said voice.

"Who are you?" Link took interest in the unidentified stranger, unlike his ranting friend.

"My name is of no importance..." the darkened figure explained mysteriously.

"Oooooo," Link's eyes widened and acted similar to a crow that had just found one of its precious 'shiny' things.

Much to the Hylian's disappointment, the mysterious figure was in fact Falco, who tripped gracefully over a tree branch into a pile of mud. Fox appeared from behind and stepped over his companion.

"Actually Falco _borrowed_ the Pikmin earlier..."

Link raised an eyebrow, "Borrowed you say?"

"Yes, borrowed I say."

"What about Olimar?"

Falco lifted his face from the brown substance, spitting a large amount of it out of this mouth/beak, and grinned, "I locked him up in a closet!" he exclaimed happily.

The bystanders stared.

Ike continued his twitching spree.

Fox sighed, wondering why he ever knew Falco in the first place.

And Link went from shocked silent to strangely happy, "Cool! Then I guess that means, THE PIKMIN ARE MINE, _COUGH_ OURS TO COMMAND! EVERYONE MOVE OUT!"

Ike was standing mute (after his twitching spasm) beside Fox. Both animal gunman and blue haired mercenary watched disbelievingly as the pair commanded the tiny troop of itty-bitty fighters, to war.

Fox sighed, "Why are all idiots the same?"

Link and Falco pulled out a piece of paper from out of nowhere and began reading it to their minions. On it was the speech to encourage their underlings to succeed and drive on, in their quest to defeat the enemy fangirls.

"If you call those two idiots it would be an insult to the stupid people of the world." Ike explained, also sighing.

The speech ended and the duo screamed in unison, "NOW OFF TO WAR!"

"I guess that's true," Fox answered nodding.

The dwarfish defence force dashed forward determinedly.

"Well that should be the end for the fangirls!" Link exclaimed proudly.

Fox raised a brow, "Really now?"

All of a sudden out of the blue, someone or something let loose a high-pitched, louder than the average person's scream. It ruptured the eardrums of many smashers.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!?" Ike shouted, severely pissed.

"Calm down Ike."

"The pikmin..." was all Link managed to let out, as he pointed towards the battle field in horror, ghostly pale.

"What? Did they run away or something?"

The Hylian let a couple more words escape from his trembling lips, "No...They're..." He stopped to swallow the painful lump formed by fear in his throat.

"BEING GLOMPED!"

More silence.

The awkwardness was rudely interrupted by the fangirls. Another sharp, loud_ KYAAA_ reverberated throughout the manor, spreading like a plague through the vicinity. Many Smashers rubbed their poor, defenceless ears vigorously, wincing at the pain. Considering the measurement of the Brawl mansion lengthwise, for the squeal to reach each end successfully it had to be pretty...well, darn loud. And it was...

"THE PAIN!" Falco yelled, close to tears.

"THE_ EXCRUCIATING_ PAIN!" Link added (back to normal).

Both sophisticated smashers began knocking their heads against trees aggressively, expecting something to leak from their deafened ears...nothing did.

"Those two sure make a good pair..." Ike commented staring vacantly at the 'interesting' duo.

On another note, the rabid fangirls were basically squeezing the pikmin to death...literally, the air was now partially crowded. Tiny souls of red, blue and yellow pikmin slowly drifted towards the sky, as several strange mini soldiers departed from our world and moved towards an eternal paradise. Fox shuddered.

"Fangirls are freaky..."

Falco spun himself around turning his attention to his dying minions. He suddenly remembered something extremely important, the soon to be extinct Pikmin were..._borrowed_...

"OH WELL, I guess we can always push Olimar off a cliff when we get back! That way he'll never know!" Falco accidentally blurted out...clearly unaware of it, seeing as he never noticed Fox inch away little by little.

Link twitched, also just now realising something extremely important, "Wait, now that our minions are gone...what's occupying the fangirls?"

Everyone's reactions were comparatively identical.

_SIGH_

_TWITCH_

"WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT, WE'RE DOOMED!"

Link, Falco, Fox and Ike all trembled, as a large, wicked shadow swooped from behind.

"Don't be scared we just want to _talk_ to you!" a disturbingly creepy voice explained.

The smashers froze stiff in utter terror, "RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" The noise level escalated, while the ultimate evil chased the spazzing smashers.

Samus, who had recently finished the book distracting her from said noise, had lost it. "WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP!?" The bounty hunter lifted her arm murderously and shot an oversized bullet with her missile shooter thinger, towards the group of spazzing smashers (and fangirls). The entire area vibrated...but the wide-eyed brawlers lay untouched.

She huffed, releasing her anger. Samus always had perfect aim, but because this time she was blinded by rage...she missed greatly...hitting the kitchen instead.

Link pouted, "I guess this means lunch is delayed."

"You think?"

"We should go check if everyone's ok..." Zelda remarked, the only one caring for the chef inside and not for the delay of lunch.

"Yes, but before that -" Link took out a huge bomb and placed it gently on the ground in front of the fangirls. The bomb exploded and the fangirls disappeared into the distance with a glint.

"We can go now!" the green clad elf explained grinning.

Everyone else sighed, "Let's go..."

--

When they entered the kitchen they cringed empathically. Everything was charred, burnt or completely destroyed. The only thing they found non barbequed was a note on the desk.

"It's probably from Master Hand..." Fox said poking at the letter, "It has his insignia on it after all..."

Fox was right; it was from Master Hand and was addressed to all the smashers. They tore it open and read it thoroughly.

_Dear Smashers,_

_I have an important piece of information that needs to be shared regarding this situation, but before that I'll tell you that the chef has...taken an early retirement and will not be coming back. The piece of information I wanted to share was the damage costs. It will take around four to five days of work to fix the kitchen so no one will be given permission to enter. Also, the missile caused so much money in repair expenses_-

The writing got slightly smaller, as if Master Hand was whispering.

_- That I cannot afford to hire another chef. _

The writing returned to normal.

_Well, good luck with the rest of your days!_

_Sincerely, Master Hand._

_TWITCH_

"WHAT THE HECK!"

Yes, after those 24 hours, in those 1440 minutes and 86400 seconds...the smashers learned something so completely disturbing it made their skin crawl. They now had to cook for themselves.

--

**Roy: So that's it for chappie one! Thanks for reviving us! :D**

**DemonPanther: BUT I USED UP ALL MY HOT CHOCOLATE! T.T**

**Smashers: O.o''**

**DemonPanther: It's my fuel! If I don't get more the next chappie'll be delayed! DD:**

**Everyone: -.-''**

**Captain Falcon: What did I miss? -comes out with robe on and cup of hot chocolate-**

**DemonPanther: O.O -drools-**

**Captain Falcon: ...?**

**DemonPanther: HOT CHOCOLATE! –pile dives CF and starts mauling him- **

**-one min later...-**

**Captain Falcon: -twitches on floor-**

**DemonPanther: -sips on hot chocolate happily- Anyways, that's it for now. I'll start on chappie two soon...also I dun wanna be greedy but, REVIEW PLEASE! **


	2. Beginning of a new lifestyle

**DemonPanther: WHEE! LOOKS LIKE CHAPPIE 2 IS DONE! SORRY IT'S SO LATE, BUT THANK YOU ALL MY LOVELY REVIEWERS AND OF COURSE ICHOCOLOVE! WITHOUT HER, MY GRAMMAR WOULD BE ALL OVER THE PLACE! YAY!–spins around room-**

**Wolf: Is she stuck on Cap Locks or sumthing? .''**

**Samus: Who knows...with her it's always a mystery.**

**DemonPanther: -drools- SUGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR! –continues spinning and smashes into wall-**

**Everyone: O.O''**

**DemonPanther: -gets back up- Curse the smallness of this room! –goes into bigger room and spins instead-**

**Ike: Are we going to be stuck with the disclaimer this time?**

**DemonPanther: - somehow hits wall and is knocked out-**

**Smashers: -twitches-**

**Fox: -sighs heavily- Fine, I guess I'll do it then. –glances over at DP- ****_Thankfully,_**** DemonPanther does NOT own any of us characters from Super Smash Bros, or the game itself. **

**Roy: -pops up randomly- BUT, I bet u she wishes she owned me! :D**

**Fox: -punts Roy off screen for K.O.- And flaming will be frowned upon. So please don't flame, on with another chapter.**

--

The smashers were already food deprived. Some were nearly dead, pale and muttering about Master Hand and his unfairness. Others were considering burning Samus at the stake, though Snake and Falcon were objecting the idea completely.

Link sat at a charred table crying sad tears of sadness that formed into a puddle of salt water on the ground. causing Lucas, the person relaxing next to the green clad elf, to drown. The hero continued to drench the floorboards while Falcon performed CPR.

Peach- tired of watching this development, decided to cheer him up. So, she got off her royal tush and treaded over the soon to be ocean carefully. "Link?" She started emphatically, resting her hand on his shoulder, "The world isn't fair."

He turned towards Peach, eyes wide and damp and he bawled until his tear glands ran dry, soaking Peach's favourite dress. Now, the Mushroom kingdom Princess wasn't awfully happy with the situation, because unlike all her other 104 pink dresses, this one was special, unique, exclusive in fact!

In truth, this one was actually DARK PINK! OH, the horror, her dress would never be the same. Now it was ruined, soaked, stained, and STANDARD PINK. Reflexively, the mushroom kingdom princess brought out her pan- poor Link never had a chance.

Smashers watching the event winced in pain, Peach left fuming and Link sighed, rubbing the hockey puck sizedbump on his head. He began bawling again, making the pool grow in size once more.

"Since when was there a pond in front of me?" Ness asked, not directed at anyone in particular, but asking all the same. The body of water continued to quickly increase in size.

Roy noticed the exact same thing as his baseball cap wearing, psychic, little friend, but realized something Ness didn't. That was: a gray triangle sticking out of the water.

"What's wrong?" Ness asked, not really interested, but decided to question Roy anyways.

"IT'S JAWS!" he screeched, running around the room in full circles, eventually to hit the wall and fall with a large _BANG_ on the floor, unconscious. The smarter people in the room got up and ran for their lives, trampling over each other towards the door. It looked like feeding time at the zoo, except more violent and sad.

Link's face perked up, as if his previous trip to the corner of emo-ness never occurred, "We can eat shark right?"

A silence fell over the room and the people who hadn't been trampled over stared at Link, seriously scared.

No one showed any signs that they were willing to answer, so Link inspected the shark himself.

He found a beautifully pointy, long stick and began poking around in the water. After awhile of poking, his arm altered into a stringy noodle like form from holding the stick too long. He finally hit something, and whatever it was, it was attached to his beautiful piece of conveniently placed driftwood.

The green clad elf grinned triumphantly, "I found it!" he explained, pulling his catch from the water.

To everyone's horror, it was a dolphin. Since the stick pierced its heart or somewhere near it, the little droplets of red stuff us intelligent people know as bloodwere gushing out like crazy.

"LINK YOU FOOL!" an unimportant background person called out.

"FLIPPER'S DEAD!" aninfant, also in the background cried.

"WHEE, SASHAMI!" anothersquealed in delight. Everyone glared at the individual. The crowd, not too happy with this, mauled him and chucked him out the window, causing the glass to break.

Lucario sighed mentally. "Master hand's going to make them pay for that..."

The elf jabbed the dolphin's smooth, damp skin with his finger, clearly not disgusted at all."But, we can still eat this thing...RIIIIIIIIIIGHT?" he chimed and glanced over to the smashers.

Everyone twitched.

No one was actually sure if he was asking a serious question or if it was a joke. I mean, IT WAS A DOLPHIN! A cute, innocent, sinless, little dolphin AND HE WANTED TO EAT IT!?

"Link, that's quite...disturbing," Fox explained straightforwardly, while everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.

"But it looks so good!" Link whimpered.

No one dared to comment -they were already frozen from shock.

Disrupting the silence, an oversized bird flew in from the cracked window and carried off the dolphin, along with Kirby, Pikachu, Lucas and Jigglypuff, who apparently all looked like food. Link's last string of hope was cut.

"THERE IS NO GOD!" He screamed dramatically, triggering the domino effect of face palms around the room.

Zelda, the logical one, stepped forward in front of the smashers figuring out something important no one truly became conscious of, "Actually, Link was right..."

Everyone stopped and stared like the song implied, "Has the green elf contaminated your brain?" they all said in unison.

"Not yet," she started grinning and coughing somewhat, but continued on with her announcement, "He's right about the fact we need food, since Master Hand won't hire another chef...we should to cook."

"Did someone say my name?" Master Hand sang, randomly popping out of nowhere. His unexpected appearance caused Bowser to jump backwards with a jolt and land hard on the floor, but on something soft. Several pikmin lost their lives that day.

Everyone ignored the fact Olimar retreated into the corner of emo-ness and instead, crowded around Master Hand like an angry mob, which they were in fact - complete with torches and pitch forks!

"WHY CAN'T WE HAVE OUR CAVIAR!?" Marth questioned loudly, pointing at the hand with his hand. (Wow, how strange was that sentence. O.o'')

"He's right! I MISS OUR FOOD!" Lucas explained thinking of recent meals he'd eaten. A large wad of spit escaped from his mouth.

"LUCAS, STOP DROOLING ON MY SHOES!" Peach squealed. She had the strong urge to bring out her pan, but resisted that urge because he was only a child and weak minded one at that.

"Master Hand you better give us back our chef or...or, WE'LL FORCE YOU TO WATCH TELETUBBIES!" Lucario threatened dangerously.

Master Hand held the laughter within his invisible mouth.

"Wow, Lucario don't go making SUCH scary threats." Ike responded with a VERY noticeable hint of sarcasm in his voice.

A certain red headed general shuddered, obviously not catching the sarcasm, "I don't even want to imagine if that happened to me!"

The smashers glanced over at Roy sweatdropping, except Olimar who was still mourning the loss of his pikmin in the corner of emo-ness. Roy met the vacant stares directed towards him, finally grasping the concept of the joke.

"WHAT?! The teletubbies scare me OK?! They're so round and inhumanely cushy, plus they have weird antenna things, WEIRD ANTENNA THINGS FOOLS! HOW CAN YOU NOT BE SCARED OF CREEPY, ALIEN, CHILDREN STALKER THINGERS!?" He asked, flailing his arms frantically.

"Because we actually have brains," Fox explained calmly, watching the general smash into a wall again.

"Anyways, Master Hand," Zelda turned to the hand's palm, "Is there really no way to get our chef back, because everyone's starving and going slightly insane."

Master hand checked the clock behind him."It's only been an hour though."

The hyrulian princess sighed. "My point exactly. So, is there any possible way?"

"Nope, not much," Master Hand explained. If a hand could smirk he would be doing it right now-sadly, he had no face.

"What if we raise the money?" Zelda asked.

"If you feel like raising a million dollars."

Everyone in the room stopped,

Many twitched violently,

Some doubted the capacity of their hearing,

Others cleaned their ears,

Most prayed to god they had heard wrong.

Master hand merely repeated his sentence, "One million is what they need to fix it."

Silence continued.

"I'm serious!" the hand explained wondering if all the smashers had died from shock...some had. Double checking, he poked Falco with one of his gigantic, chubby fingers. Falco only fell to the floor with a _CLUNK_, as solid as a statue. They revived after a minute or so though.

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SERIOUS!?" the smashers yelled in unison.

"Are you people all deaf?" the hand asked coldly.

"After the last chapter and the incident with those fangirls, some of us are," Marth explained.

Master Hand sighed, "I'll hire the chef back if you raise the money...otherwise-"

A grey puff of smoke wisped in front of him. When the smoke dispersed, the cookbook titled _'cuisine for idiots' _was revealed.

"-This is your savoir."

"A book, our savoir?" Roy asked staring at it cautiously, as if it might have jumped up and bitten him in the nose any second.

"Wait, WE EAT THE BOOK THEN?!" The red head asked appalled.

Master Hand didn't want to answer Roy's idiotic question, but responded anyways, "No."

"Ah, I get it now, because of paper cuts!" the general smiled as if he understood what Master Hand was getting at, though he was far from it.

"Sure, whatever, that works too."

"So when do we start cooking?" Roy asked prancing around with the book, like the reindeer in all the really old Rudolph movies.

"YOU, don't do anything." Master Hand snatched the hardback away from disaster's clutches, "The mansion will burn in your hands." He handed the book to the Hyruilan princess instead.

Roy groaned like a little kid, while Zelda politely accepted the book.

Master Hand having done his business, felt no need to stay, "If I wait here any longer I'm afraid my brain will be infected with further stupidity**.**" Just as Falco was about to comment on the fact Master Hand didn't have a brain, Fox knocked him out cold.

"I highly doubt I can count on you to not destroy every single valuable possession in this mansion, so I'll just leave it at that," the hand explained before departing, adding in one last sentence beforehand. "OH, and you people WILL pay for the window." Master Hand said, looking menacing...or at least as menacing as a hand can look. "Good Luck!"A time rift appeared in the middle of the room and Master Hand squeezed in, leaving.

"I told you he'd notice the window!" Lucario moaned.

"Anyone would notice the million pieces of shattered glass on the ground," Fox stated.

"There are more important things to be worrying about right now, namely FOOD!" The baseball cap wearing lad pulled both fighters over to Zelda.

The smashers all collected around the book, as if it were the Holy Grail; to the smashers it was. A grail that would change their lives, and for some, eliminate them, but none the less, it was their savoir. A cooking book, 35 inexperienced smashers and a burnt kitchen. What awaits our precious characters in their future adventures in cooking? You'll see in the next retarded chapter.

And so, it begins...

--

**Lucario: Wow, I'm surprised that some of the readers actually survived that chapter!**

**Peach: Though the sashimi guy didn't...he's still being mauled by flamers.**

**-screams of horror and total pain in the background-**

**Zelda: Shouldn't we help him? .''**

**DemonPanther: But there's more important things to worry about...LIKE THE NEXT CHAPTER! This one was so late and I feel seriously bad I haven't updated for so long! –cries-**

**Bowser: About that, I wanna be in the next one, I'VE HAD NO SCREEN TIME!**

**Olimar: And all you've had me do was mourn the loss of my pikmin, IN BOTH CHAPTERS! Olimar Jr. And OliOli are the only two left!**

**DemonPanther: I guess you two are right...I'm forgetting some of the other characters. I HAVE AN IDEA! :D**

**Lucario: That's NOT a good sign!**

**Smashers: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! –runs around frantically-**

**DemonPanther: What? Teaching fangirls the correct way to shriek is an important skill needed! D:**

**Smashers: -glares-**

**DemonPanther: AUGH, that doesn't matter anymore. I want YOU, the readers to go decide who you'd like to see in further chapters. So give me feedback! In the mean time, HOT CHOCOLATE FOR EVERYONE! :D**

**Smashers: YAY! –boiling hot chocolate rains from the sky burning all the smashers-**

**(Somewhere off in the distance Roy learns the whole cast had hot chocolate) Roy: -cries-**


End file.
